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credits

layout: detonatedlove♥
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i was supposed to meet shan ru and eileen today but i felt like nuaing at home so yeps, i spent a FULL day at home today. woke up at 1230, washed up and ate the cold noodles my dad had bought for us every sunday. I sat and watched tv from 1230 all the way to 4 plus and went to bed again and woke up at 7plus had dinner and sat and watched tv again all the way to now. manu is playing against west ham now. they are losing 1-0. actually its qutie a boring sunday. so boring till i got this question in mind the whole day.

who am i exactly? i realie wished there is some kind of magic that allows me to get detached out of my physical self and spent a day seeing 'myself' in action. i want to see what i realie am from other people's eyes and feel what kind a person im from other people's hearts. i wished for a mirror too, a mirror that allows me to see what would have become of me should i not met the people i know now. like not going in xinmin, got my way and ended up in aj or accepting arts course in nus instead of business course in ntu, not joining vball and instead join some slack club or dance or drama society. what will be of me then? will i demure? will i be wild? will i go club every weekend? who will be in my circle of friends? what will my friends be like? what will my future be like?

you guys must be wondering why i will think such things. i also have no idea. must be too bored thats why the brain starts to wander for things to think. sometimes, i will daydream. and i love to day dream. i would purposely go to bed earlier so that i can spend some time day dream before falling into sleep. haha. guess this habit of mine, most of you dun know. i will day dream how it will be like to have a prefect life, day dream working in those high rise buildings along shenton way, day dream being a xian-qi-liang-mu whose life evolves around her husband and her children, day dream going overseas for fun. and i always feel happy and light hearted after i day dream. not sad or disappointed how much difference is the day dream as compared to my life as it is. i duno why but i felt that the more i day dream, the more hopeful i get and the more cheerful i become after that. there are times when the reality is so harsh and unpleasant that i will go back to my day dream world where only perfect things appear there. its like escaping into the protected shell of mine. haha. this is so typical of cancerians. to share a little astrology knowledge, cancerians are symbolised by the crab and we all know that crabs have shell. so in times of trouble or sadness, cancerians will return back to their shell and hid in there. haha. yup, i got to agree im like that. in fact, im more so like this when im younger. =p

half time is over. got to go back to the match. tomorrow have to go back to hall already. guess i have slept too much earlier. not a slight feeling of tiredness at all. oh well, perhaps i can spend the whole night day dreaming. =)

a little bit of narcissism won't hurt, and vanity isn't a sin.




涵妍。hanyan ....